I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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