Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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