I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
