You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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