were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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