His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
