I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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