hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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