Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
