It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
