There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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