You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
