You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
