went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
