Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
