State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
