Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
we made out on top of his cat.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
