So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
