69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
