I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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