Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
