she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
