my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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