Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
