whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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