the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
