Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Randomize
