i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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