sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
