sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
