I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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