I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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