can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
