If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
