I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
