I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
