Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
