Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
