I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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