i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
