ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
