Moan for me like Helen Keller
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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