dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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