I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
We have started to decorate penises.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
