After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
