Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
