my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
