We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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