need another drink. this is the easiest way
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
