I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
so explain again why im purple
no
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Randomize
