ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
How's work?
Spinning.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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