Fine. I'll sleep in my office
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
