We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
