Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
