You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
